Tears in the Rain
by Amethyst Soul
Summary: Something depressing. A song fic. Prequel to my upcoming fic 'Existence'.


I was originally going to use this for a ZAGR, but people tend to hate those, so instead I'm going to tie it in with one of my other stories (no, you haven't read it yet). This is going to be a prequel to a fic coming out in December called "Existence". Yes, it's going to be a Christmas fic. Yes, it's going to be angsty. And there will be something in there that I'm going to toy around with that will probably get me flamed. I don't care. It needs to be written, because it's a subject that I feel strongly about, that no Zim fans have touched on... and most likely for a good reason. I think I've seen it *once* in a Zim fic... but it was too miniscule to count as something for people to blow up over.  
And no, there will be no romantic involvement. ((interested? Don't be. I'll probably end up flaming myself for it))  
  
Original Artist: DJ Mystik  
Original Song: "Tears in the Rain" Note: The lyrics have been modified to fit the theme of the fic  
Disclaimer: If I owned the song AND the characters, I'd be one happy person. One hell of a happy person.  
  
  
"Tears in the Rain"  
  
  
There is a street, a winding black rushing river, swallowing every drop of rain and adding it to it's collective. The 'river' rushes off in the distance, toward the city, leaving the suburban residents wondering if it ever ends. There is a crack, like the sound of a whip, following my a hollow scream- the wind blowing effortlessly through the trees, grasping onto leaves and twigs, even shingles of sorts, stealing them into it's tight clutches, and carrying it into the air. One fragmented wayward wind swoops lower, grabbing onto a small string of colored light-bulbs, that had once shined like vibrant stars in the looming darkness, but now, with all electricity off and gone, were dull and just like another other light. Another wind stooped lower, to a small pile of green needles on the lawn of the unsuspecting owners, and quietly scooped up the needles, scattering them recklessly across the sky. A bolt of lightning struck a high tree, a spark instantly erupting into that of flames. From far away, it was beautiful. The effervescent flames curdling into the air, the yellowish orange glow lighting up the sky brighter than the trees had when they were filled with lights.  
Dib laughed to himself quietly as he rested his arms against the cold windowsill, the water that gliding across the windows and distorting his view. It was almost as if the storm was apologizing for cutting off the electricity... and making up for it by making a Christmas tree of it's own. He whispered thank you... under his breath, as he watched the display of nature fight against itself. The flames, which danced carelessly upon the fragile leaves of the tree, swerving to avoid the rain and being pushed down from the heavy wind. For a moment, it seemed that the crimson orange flow reflected the eyes of the tears, sending a sparkling display of glittering fire, the shone like a beacon. A beacon of glazing, impossible hope. Then slowly, it died down, fallen softly against the tree where it died, the last remembrance of it- a small puff of smoke- dissipating in the air.  
"Dib?" came a voice from behind. Dib registered in his mind that it was his father's, but ignored it, continuing his trance, letting his breath softly cloud the window.  
"Dib?" the voice came again, sending a tinge of annoyance running up Dib's spine. He shifted his position awkwardly, sighing. His father could come in here if he wanted to speak with him. The medicine he had taken was already bogging down on his mind, and he drowsily stood up. No. He couldn't be cruel to his father. Not right now.  
"Yes, dad?" his called back, his voice cracking.  
Gaz was in the room with him, he saw now, as his eyes adjusted from the slight light outside to the pitch darkness in here. The glow of her computer game cast upon her face, but the music was muted. "How long had she been here?" Dib wondered, but shrugged it off.  
A low glow seemed to float up the stairs, and for once Dib wildly imagine a ghost, carefully approaching the top step, coming for him. He would be embraced, and carried away. It would be peaceful... He shook the thought off as his father came into better view, the candle leaving his face a paler yellow.  
"Get away from the window, son. You'll catch a cold," Professor Membrane said.  
Dib solemnly just gazed up at his father with an unreadable expression, and at once Membrane understood. He sighed, and looked at his two children in the room. The sudden emotion that clutched him inside was a feeling he didn't like, so he walked into the kitchen. "Hungry? We should get rid of this food in the refrigerator before it spoils."  
Dib didn't answer him, instead, he chose to sit by the window, pressing his hand against the cold surface of the window. Membrane paused from his foraging, decided this wasn't the best time, and retreated quietly back downstairs, making sure the leave the door open- something he rarely ever did.  
Dib pressed his head against the window, trying not to let his eyes fall on the folder on the table across the room. The folder that had his destiny, all recorded in useless letters and script. His eyes became blurry every time he thought about it, and his eyes once again returned to outside, where the rain ravaged it's misery upon the Earth, pelting every object it could, spreading, manifesting, across the horizon. There was the sound of the wind, whistling softly through the trees, colliding against the house, with the rain that followed, pounding against the door.  
He jumped as he heard the music burst on, the piano shattering the icy silence like a glass vase. He glanced over at Gaz, who had turned on the radio, and then looked back out the window, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, they seemed to glisten, misting up just like the window had when he breathed on it. The rain seem to leisurely plummet toward the ground in slow motion, the impact of the droplets against the ground lingering in the air for a few minutes before joining the rest of the waters in the ground. The song that played on the radio broke out into song, and Dib listened intently to the words, and a painful memory surfaced from within him.  
  
I remember when the skies were blue  
All I wanted was to be with you.  
Now the days are dark and I'm alone.  
Forced to leave the place I called my home  
  
He closed his eyes, remember specifically every aspect of his mother. Long, beautiful violet hair. A smile that could make anyone break out into a grin. Eyes that pierced into the very depths of anyone, being able to see what no one else could. She had died very slowly... a long, painful death, from a virus that was noticed all too late. But she had never stopped smiling, even to her last minute... he mouth curled up into a soft grin, as she whispered to her family that she was safe now... she was in God's care... she was home.  
  
Hold me now  
In your arms  
The love I lost  
And never found  
I close my eyes  
I think of you  
Alone again  
Tears in the rain.  
  
It was like the traumas back then were flooding back. Dib opened his eyes, crossing his arms, trying not to let Gaz hear his soft weeps as he continued to gaze outside, listening to the music. The news had been so sudden... but her leaving had taken so torturously long that for one fleeting moment Dib had wished that she had died suddenly. It would have taken away all that pain... But that was long ago. There was nothing they could do now.  
He closed his eyes again, imagining himself in complete darkness, huddling up to himself. And she appeared before him, wrapping her arms around him, holding him just like she had done so many years ago. She would give him one of those radiant smiles, and without even trying, force him to break out into a grin. She would grasp him, and he would feel her warmth emanate from her, and all the pain inside of him would finally go away. Dib, presently, even through his tears, smiled slightly at this fantasy.  
  
Hold me now  
In your arms  
The love I lost  
Now will be found  
I close my eyes  
I think of you  
Vanishing pain.  
Tears in the rain.  
  
To hell with fantasy...  
Dib opened his eyes, and stood up, not able to take this. The gloomy scene outside, the music inside... it was almost too much to bear. His eyes flared over to Gaz, who was still busy playing her game, unaware of his emotional unrest. She sat with her legs crossed, her back laying against the tree. Their tree...  
They were beyond early this year... but their father had a booked schedule all the way up to Christmas day, and a tree bought on the same day it represented was not exactly the epitome of spirit. The tree was still devoid of decorations of any kind, and Dib foresaw there never being decorations on that thing.  
He knew that he would be draining the family resources this Christmas and... it wasn't exactly his fault. Like he wished for his mother, he simply wanted a quick ending for himself.  
  
The day she brought me home it felt so true  
When she left my heart broke in two.  
Until the storm inside me fades away  
Won't be waiting for a brighter day.  
  
It was a mistake. Human err. Something. His mother had a deadly disease that had ripped through her body, weakening her until she became nothing but a listless heap of skin and bones on the hospital bed. "I should have begged them to pull the plug," Dib whispered to himself. She had probably wanted it to be that way, anyway. To see her slowly fading away like that... letting as each minute drain and torture her... a kind of pain he couldn't imagine having.  
His eyes moved back over to the folder on the table. The long, apologetic letter for not having seen this earlier, even after the multiple tests. The final conclusion, the words that the doctors should have just simply told them bluntly.  
Dib had contracted the virus from his mother.  
  
Hold me now  
In your arms  
The love I lost  
And never found.  
I close my eyes  
I think of you  
Alone again  
Tears in the rain.  
  
Dib began to bawl now at this thought, a loud sob that jerked Gaz from her game and sent a concerned stare his way. He shied away, not wanted to be stared at. He wanted to be alone... and without thinking, spun around, swinging the door open, his legs carrying him as fast as they could across the slippery ground. At one point in his escape, he slipped on the moist soil, sliding across the concrete and rolling into the huge flooded street, the water rushing against his face, choking him.  
He sobbed harder, now, and slowly pushed himself up, feeling a tingling sensation all over. His knee felt exposed, and without looking down he knew that blood was flowing profusely out of this wound. He fell to the ground in defeat, unable to run any longer, his chest heaving, and his hot face welcoming the cold storm.   
  
Hold me now  
In your arms  
The love I lost  
Now will be found.  
I close my eyes  
I think of you  
Vanishing pain.  
Tears in the rain.  
  
Dib felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Gaz standing there, the tears welling up in her own eyes. She held out his black raincoat toward him, but he ignored it. Unable to control himself, Dib threw her arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder, not caring about the distance that had separated him from his sister for all these years. The barrier had been broken by one sweep of movement... but it had been weakened by Dib's imminent condition as well. Dib wept, with Gaz as his pillow, letting every swell of pain come choking and sputtering out, as the rain continued to fall on both him and her, letting it's calmness slowly quiet the two sodden children into a soft murmur. 


End file.
